Dating My Daughters Part 1....

Brian's application for dating his daughters....

Name:

Date of Birth:

Height:

Weight:

IQ:

GPA:

Social Security #:

Drivers License:

Boy Scout Rank and Badges:

Home Address:

Do you have parents? yes or no

Is one male and the other female? yes or no

If no, explain:

Number of years they have been married:

If less than your age, explain:

Accessories

Do you own or have access to a van? yes or no

A truck with over sized tires? yes or no

A waterbed? yes or no

A pickup with a mattress in the back? yes or no

A tattoo? yes or no

Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? yes or no

If you answered yes to any of the above, discontinue application and leave premises immediately. I suggest running.

Essay

In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you?

In 50 words or less, what does "DON"T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you?

References

Church you attend?

How often do you attend?

When would be the best time to interview your:

father?

mother?

pastor?

Short answer

If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be:

A woman's place is in the:

The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

What do you want to do IF you grow up?

When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

What is the current going rate of a hotel room?

I swear that all information supplied above is true and correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, dismemberment, native american ant torture, crucifixion, electrocution, chinese water torture, red hot pokers, and Hillary Clinton kiss torture.

Applicant's signature (that's you moron)

Mother's signature

Father's signature

Pastor/Priest/Rabbi:

State Representative/Congressman:

Than you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)