Pharaoh Would Not Be Happy....

So here's my question. Why wasn't removing wallpaper one of the plagues on Egypt? Yes, I realize it wasn't invented yet but that is beside the point! I mean if you really wanted to convince someone to "let my people go" maybe you should consider this punishment. Moses could have thrown down his staff and Pharaoh's palace could have been instantly covered in flowered wallpaper that is at least 20 years old...you know the kind that your 80 year old grandmother (who suffers from dementia, bless her heart) thinks is "pretty". Then the Egyptians could have been forced to remove it without the help of the Israelites! Ha! That will teach them to enslave God's people! It would be even better if after stripping one layer they discovered another layer of even older, uglier paper. Can you tell what I've been dealing with here people? Don't get me wrong there are some instances when wallpaper can be very attractive, however the stuff in my new house is...well it's just not! I mean what were the previous owners thinking? "Oooh, look at all the pretty pink flowers, let's glue them to the wall!"
At least it's temporary. I know that within the next century I will get all the wallpaper down and have nice, clean, neutrally painted walls. I have to wonder though.....what does God think when He looks at us power seeking, money hungry, Americans who have taken our eyes off of Him? Wallpaper plague? I pray not!

5 Questions....

Shannon over at Rocks in My Dryer has a fun meme going, so I thought I'd play along!



1. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life what would it be?
I would have to say Peanut Butter...it's nutritious and comes in two varieties, Creamy and Crunchy. Although if I knew how long the rest of my life was actually going to be I might choose something else =)

2. What's the most nerve-racking "'close call" you've ever had?
At the risk of being labeled a bad parent, I would have to say almost leaving Katy at a restaurant while we were on vacation. I know, I know, awful isn't it? She recovered fine, but it still haunts me and I do a much more thorough head count now!

3. Name the five features your ultimate dream house would have.
1. a HUGE front porch 2. A fully loaded kitchen 3. At least 100 acres 4. Chickens 5. A padded room for me to escape to!

4. Who has been the most influential non-relative in your life?
This is a tough one! Most of my influences have been family, but I guess I would have to say my friend Allyson. She has always been there to give it to me straight, or help pick up the pieces when I've been crooked.

5. What one non-physical feature would you most like to change about yourself?
I would have to say my sometimes pessimistic attitude. I tend to be negative, but I want to be positive!

The Hairless Epidemic....

We have a Golden Retriever that we affectionately call "Ginger". She is a big overstuffed heap of lovin' and we adore her. However, Ginger does have one teeny tiny fault....ok super huge fault (I was trying to be nice). She has allergies. Yes folks you read that correctly, a dog with allergies! Every summer like clockwork her hair starts falling out and she gets all red skinned and itchy. This makes her look like some mangy lab experiment gone wrong! It is truly pitiful to watch. The cure for this of course is a very hefty vet bill involving steroid shots ( just call her Arnold) antibiotics and fancy shmancy medicated shampoo that smells like rotten eggs! Well this year I beat the issue to the punch! At the first sign of impending baldness I had her shaved and brought her inside! Genius I tell you! So now instead of the bad lab experiment she looks like a lion that had a scary run-in with a demon possessed barber! At least now there is nothing for the allergy to "attack" and hopefully we won't have to wash her with bad smelling farm products! It's times like these when I just have to ask it.........Why me?

Sweet Reminiscing....

Yesterday, some dear friends of ours welcomed their first child into the world. A baby boy, weighing 7 pounds 3 ounces, is now the light of their lives. This is exactly what Tyler weighed when he was born, and of course I started thinking back to when he was first placed in my arms. Sometimes it seems so long ago and sometimes like it was yesterday. Where have the last (almost) 14 years gone?
He has grown up obviously, but some things are still the same. He still has a certain smell. It's not a blend of Dreft and that sweet baby's breath that reminds you of sugar cookies anymore, now it's a more manly smell like too much body spray and a hint of dirty socks. He still has those ice blue eyes that have always melted my heart and will eventually melt others I'm sure. He still loves Jesus, although somewhere along the way he learned to pronounce his J's and doesn't call him Wesus anymore. He's more cool now but this hasn't stopped him from hugging me or telling me he loves me yet. I hope it doesn't. And every once in a while, when no one else is around, he'll snuggle up with me and twirl my hair like he used to as a toddler. Yes, my baby boy, my firstborn, is growing into a man. This is happening faster than I would like, but seeing him mature is also a wonderful thing. And someday, God willing, a child will be placed in his arms, and his breath will be taken away by the overwhelming love he feels for that precious bundle that will someday outgrow him.

Josh on Spider Repellant....

"Mommy, if we paint our new playground with something shiny, then it will blind the spiders and they won't crawl on it."
The brilliance of this child astounds me! I can see the little pests now with their sunglasses and walking sticks trying to find their way to our backyard. By the way, how many walking sticks would a blind spider need? Hmmm.....something to ponder.

Good Education....

As a homeschooler and just all around good parent who is concerned about my children's education and upbringing, I am always on the look out for books with some good moral fiber. I borrowed this list from DeeDee over at It Coulda Been Worse (check her out at http://fiddledeedee.net/ ) I'm still chuckling over the titles so I thought I'd share them with you!

Children's Books to Avoid

1. You're Different-And That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died from Eating All His Vegetables
3. Robert: Dad's New Wife
4. Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
5. The Kids Guide to Hitchhiking
6. Kathy Was So Bad that Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
7. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
8. All Cats Go to Hell
9. The Little Sissy that Snitched
10. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Mrs. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
11. Grandpa Gets a Casket
12. Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear
13. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
14. Strangers Have the Best Candy
15. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
16. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
17. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
18. Your Nightmares are Real
19. You've Got Hepatitis B, Charlie Brown
20. Valuable Protein and Other Nutritional Benefits of Things from Your Nose

Well I'm off to the library now!

What Happened to that Fish?....

Well, several of you have asked for the fish story so here goes... One happy, sunny day, not to long ago, Josh acquired a fish from his sister for the bargain price of 25 cents. He was very proud of his new found responsibility, and he thought he should clean the fish bowl. So, as I was talking on the phone, Josh came and asked me where the net and extra bowl were. Of course because I am such a wonderful mother I told him to wait a minute and shooed him away. Time passed. I'm not really sure how much time because frankly I forgot he had even asked me! The next thing I know his big sister Meghan, who has the special gift of reporting (or as some people like to call it, tattling), comes running down the stairs to inform me that Josh put his fish in the toothbrush holder! Apparently he had grown tired of waiting on me and decided to take the matter into his own hands. I thought this was a stroke of genius on his part, and was trying to contain my laughter! What fabulous problem solving skills...he must be homeschooled! Meghan did not think this was funny and was actually rather disgusted, and don't even get me started on big sister Katy's reaction when she realized that her toothbrush was still in the holder with the fish! It was quite an exciting event. Needless to say the fish survived and has a clean bowl, Meghan got over her disgust and Katy got a new toothbrush out of the deal. Josh has learned that the toothbrush holder is probably not the safest place to put his fish and I had another lesson in paying attention!
So there it is, the story behind the title of this blog. It just seemed like a perfect fit for our family considering that these types of incidents are rather normal occurrences around here.
p.s. we also replaced the toothbrush holder =)

Clear the Streets....

Watch out for this guy the next time you're on the street! Josh learned to ride a two wheeler today! It's bittersweet for me....so happy to see him learn....so sad to see him grow up so quickly.

The Messies....

I have finally come to the realization, after almost 14 years of parenting, that children just don't care what their rooms look like. Oh, I imagine in some tiny corner of the world there is at least one who likes neatness, but they probably are one of those child prodigies who could do mental calculus in the newborn nursery! My children like messiness. For instance, it doesn't bother my 13 year old son that his room smells like a combination of stale food and locker room. My girls think that having a band aid collection hanging on the wall is normal and of course the baby boy of the family is ok with having his toys, clean clothes and dirty clothes all in one container.
How do I feel about all of this you might ask. Well I'll tell ya......it drives me nuts!!!!! I tell them to clean their rooms but that causes other problems because they "discover" things. A chunk of concrete from the church parking lot that is priceless in value, or the snack wrapper with the special online code to win a trip for you and a gazillion friends to go to Disney World. These are the treasures that must be kept no matter how much penicillin is being cultivated on them. So in the end I just resign myself to pretending that there was some kind of nuclear explosion involving Toys R Us and a cake factory behind those doors (which now will remain closed)!

Are We There Yet?....

Vacation Bible School. Those three little words bring back such fond memories from my childhood! Memories of macaroni necklaces, koolaid and butter cookies with a hole in the middle, and singing Jesus Loves Me until I thought I would pass out. Those are the things that made me look forward to this wondrous event every summer. Then came the days when my own children could also experience the joys of VBS (or as I now affectionately call it "the week of Very Bad Sleep").
I am waiting for the Vacation part to start! Who exactly is going on this vacation and when will we get there? Somewhere along the way I went from Yeah! VBS! to uhhhhh, who are these masses of children with their sweaty faces covered in craft glue? Are these the vacationers? Don't they have chaperones? But then something happens. Those sweaty, gluey, children look up at you with their toothless smiles and tell you how much fun they are having and all the neat things they are learning (like how to wash off fake leprosy) and you realize what you are there for. I can't think of a better vacation than that!

Danger in the Bathroom.....

What is a mother to do when she is sitting in her bathroom minding her own "business" and a small voice from the other side of the door says in a rather panicked tone..."mommy, you didn't sit on my imaginary friend did you?".
How was I supposed to know he was in there? After all he's not in my imagination.
Oh the guilt!!!!!!!

Working up to it....

You know how sometimes you have to work up to something big, something so spectacular that it takes months of deliberating and second guessing yourself before you finally decide you should just go for it? Well folks that day has arrived! My "go for it day" is here! That's right...... (drumroll please)...I'm a blogger! Oh please, try to contain yourselves, you don't have to applaud, you're making me blush.
So I will be looking forward to keeping you all abreast of the happenings in our lives, and I know you will all be looking forward to hearing about how the dog got locked in the pantry, why mustard should not be considered as finger paint and what happened to the fish that was put in the toothbrush holder!